That’s Not What I Was Thinking

Not what I was thinking at all. It’s such a far cry, I have to stop and pinch myself to remind myself that it’s as far as it is. A cry. And for cryin’ out loud, isn’t there any difference anymore between betwixt and between? It’s like the devil and the deep blue sea. A rock and a hard place. Six of one, half dozen of the other. That’s the way I see it, that’s the view from here. It’s hard to see it any other way, especially when there’s nothing to be seen at all, nothing in the scene at all. No thing. But still not what I was thinking. I could piss and moan all day and still not come close. Come closer and I’ll tell you. Let me whisper in your ear. Let me whimper in your ear. Let me whisker, let me whisk her, let me outa here. Because it ain’t fair, it just ain’t. Nobody can tell me it is, nobody can tell me what to do, what to think, because it’s not what I was thinking at all. If I’ve told you once I’ve told you a hundred times, a thousand times, more times than I can remember, more times than I can shake a stick at. More or less. Whichever is more, unless it’s less. Because I’ve just about had it with the whole shebang, the whole shootin’ match, the whole nine yards. Ja? Nein. Das ist nicht was ich hab’ gedankt. Let me put it another way, put “it” another way, give “it” some breathing room, but don’t let “it” come between us. For it will surely be the end of us, if put another way. But never let it be said that that’s what I was thinking, not at all, not in the slightest, you can bet your bottom dollar, you can take it to the bank, you can stand tall in the knowledge that that’s still a far cry, far from a foregone conclusion, far from the madding crowd, and a long way to Tipperary, a long long way to go, so long you’d hardly believe it, so long it’s been good to know ya, so long as I can tie my shoes, still sing the blues, forget to choose, have nothin’ to lose, nothing to fear but fear itself and thinking outside the box. But it’s inside the box that it’s all happening, inside with chocolate-covered crunchy goodness, inside with springtime freshness, inside with united confederated amalgamation, inside outside, what’s up is down. But still not what I was thinking. Be still. Hush. Be quiet, be very very quiet and it will come to me. It will surely come. It will arrive on little cat feet, on moth wings, on tenterhooks, tender hooks, with tender looks. And there will be weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth and grinding of teeth and chattering of teeth but no relief. What, a relief? Watt, a bulb. Shining a light in the darkness, hiding it under a bushel, a candle in the wind, breaking wind, pounding surf, shifting sands, but nowhere near what I was thinking. For that you’ll have to look into my eyes, see what I’ve seen, been where I’ve been, preen how I preen. Let us preen. Let us preen lettuce. Let us pray. Let us bray. Let us not forget the day, forego the hay, forfeit the pay, forfend the way, never again. Never say never. Again: never say never. Be it ever so humble, so righteous, so outasight, so abfab, so tender, tenderly, tenderloin, tendentious, so absofuckinglutely incredible that I can hardly stand to talk about it. But it’s not what I was thinking, not by a long shot, even a short shot, there’s a line drive past the shortstop and the third base coach is waving the runner in and there’s going to be a play at the plate and he’s OUT! No, the catcher dropped the ball, he’s SAFE! He dropped the ball, he missed the call, he couldn’t make head nor tails out of it, heads I win, tails you lose, it’ll all come down in the blink of an eye, in the bat of an eye, before you even know it. I don’t know it, I can hardly believe it, can’t hardly stand it, can’t hardly stand up, but I’ll stand up and sing, stand up and be counted, stand up stand up for Jesus ye soldiers of the cross, stand up sit down fight fight fight. And it’ll be all right. All the way until night. Just to do what’s right, the right thing, stick to your guns, don’t let the bastards get you down. Because it’s what I’ve been saying all along, it’s what I’ve had on my mind. It’s what I’ve been thinking. Isn’t it clear, plain as day, plain as the nose on your/my/his/her face? It’s what I’ve been thinking all along. All along.