Big Gulp

The question put to NYT readers on Sunday was “Is Soda the New Tobacco?” And no matter how many people this might make squirm, I think there’s no doubt about it.

Soda (or “pop” depending on your part of the country) was a treat when I was a kid – just like it was portrayed in this ad. I remember big coolers in which you swung the top open and moved a glass bottle along by its neck to where it was released by payment (which I think was a dime, up from a nickel in those older ads). And of course you returned the bottle for 2 cents. Then there were the exotic flavors beyond Coke: Do they still make cream soda? or birch beer (which I always found smoother than root)? I know Frank’s black cherry wishniak is defunct. I even remember when 7-up was introduced into the Philly market, because my mom had a job demo-ing it in stores.

But enough nostalgia; today soda is big business, a dumping ground for all that surplus corn as it corrodes young teeth and older stomachs. The thought of a soda machine in school would’ve been an unimaginable fantasy for me as I forced down that gag-inducing room-temperature milk (the perfect accompaniment to the cafeteria’s version of pizza), but it’s long been a reality. Yet there are nay-sayers who claim it’s making kids fat. How un-American can you get?

So the suggestion is on the table to tax soda, and I say why not. If alcohol and tobacco warrant surcharges, there’s no need to spare gratuitous sugar beverages if it would (a) put a dent, however small, in consumption, (b) generate revenue, and (c) give a whole lot of people something new to complain about.

The nay-sayers on the other side will rebut that this is just the top of another slippery slope, because who is the government to penalize us for what we consume? Maybe it doesn’t make a whole lot of sense from a free market/personal liberty perspective – but then neither does pouring that stuff down your throat non-stop from the standpoint of common sense.

Soda is the new tobacco, with consumers clinging to their right to pollute their bodies and industry crying persecution. Soda drinkers, it’s time to take a big gulp and face the fizz: it ain’t health food, so if you need it so desperately, cough up a little more now and be ready to pay through the nose later. It’ll be a new meaning for “noser” with every sip.