The Big Fart

A recent letter to the editor of the Prescott Courier came to the defense of biblical creation and predictably instigated numerous responses, many of them painful to read.

It got me to thinking, though, that Creation might have taken place in two stages. First came the Big Bang, triggered by god [sic]-knows-what, which resulted in what I’ll call “stuff in general.” Then came the birth of human beings in an event that should probably best be thought of as the Big Fart.

When Adam & Eve ate the apple, it gave them more than knowledge – it gave them gas. What other species is so full if itself – and so full of hot air? We are flatulence incarnate. Bloated, bloviating windbags full of sound and fury indicating absolutely nothing (this very blog serving as an example). Whenever our jaws flap, hurricane warnings ought to be raised. We inherit our own wind every time we speak. Our utterances are absurd. We are forever talking out of our collective ass.

The creation of humanity must have been a separate event from the overall Chain of Being; Nature couldn’t’ve made that kind of singular mistake. Either that or there really is a God and He has a really sick sense of humor.

Scientists say that echoes of the Big Bang continue to reverberate throughout the universe. But echoes of the Big Fart resound much closer to home.